Thursday, January 28, 2010

Parental karyotypes: NORMAL

And yeah, probably PPD. I took two xanax last night and I feel incredibly different today. I am still very, very sad, and still angry but the anger is not so consuming and I am not having thoughts of hurting myself like I have been for the last week (gee - that wasn't a sign I needed help - idiot).

So - now for the really big discussion - do we or don't we? Now that I know all the other horrible ways a baby can die, do I want to risk another bolt of lightning?

Now that I have the added problem of antidepressants that could cause problems I don't know what the hell to do.


  1. You left a comment for me on my blog which led me to yours. I'm sorry that what we have in common is baby loss. It's been little over a year from my loss and we are contemplating the same question. It is very scary to know that so much can go wrong. Your heart will tell you when you are ready. I'm trying to be quiet so I can hear my own. The best advice I ever got was to just live and take it day by day.

    Wishing you peace.. please email if you need an ear. We babylost mamas need to stick together..

  2. I left a comment for you over at Glow in the Woods. Email me if you need to talk.

  3. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. In regards to your comment on my blog, I wasn't trying to tell anyone they were narcissistic for grieving their child when there are huge tragedies, i.e Haiti, but I am afraid that's how it came across to several people, so I apologize. Grief for a child is all consuming in the first few weeks and months. It's 2 years later for me, and it still consumes me on some days. I don't think you can get to a better place without being "selfish". The fact is the world has stopped for you when your baby died and it keeps going for other people. That is a hard pill to swallow. I don't know anyone in this community who hasn't felt "selfish" about it, but it seems to be a very natural part of the process.

    As for trying again, I don't have any assvice. I think you will know the right decision for your family when it comes to you. For me, being pregnant again was the scariest thing I ever did, but well worth it.