I'm still not sure how to feel about this. I finally found someone with the same deletion that Aiden had. One person, in all of the internet, with several professionals looking. I emailed the parents (they had left contact info on a support site) and found out they have a living 6 year old daughter. She is in first grade, has normal intelligence but severe delays. She has congenital hearing loss and is the same size as my (small for her age) 3 year old. But - she laughs, she has friends, she can give hugs. It hurt so much to read about what my son could have been if he hadn't been so severly affected. On the other hand, it was the one thing that finally made me feel better about our decision to end the pregnancy. This little girl had no visible defects when she was born. She was small but otherwise looked fine. She has had a couple of surgeries related to the birth defects that couldn't be seen, but nothing like what Aiden would have had to endure. She had no heart, brain, or kidney defects like Aiden. She didn't have the cleft lip and palate or the spina bifida. So I am sure now that he was in bad enough shape that it is doubtful he would have lived to be born. But - I'm so angry that he didn't get the chance this little girl did. Why was he so much worse? Did the lab miss something? Are we just that unlucky? It's very, very painful to imagine that little girl, and miss my boy, and know that it doesn't matter how she is doing, Aiden never would have done that well. It's not fucking fair.
I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby.