Thursday, January 14, 2010

I love your hair!

Number of times I've gotten that comment since my return to work yesterday: about 12

Number of times someone has said I'm sorry for your loss: 2

I'm starting to wish I had gone with my original impulse and pulled out or chopped off my hair in a spasm of grief. I did seriously consider it. I had a moment last week where I was standing in the bathroom after a shower, my belly still looking 5 months pregnant, my nipples leaking milk, and my puffy, swollen, red eyes starting at the stranger in the mirror, when I picked up the scissors and thought that it would be therapuetic to hack my (very long) hair off. Better sense prevailed (I was worried my hovering mother would have me locked in the psych ward for a few days) and I went to a salon the day before I returned to work.

It is a drastic change. I decided months ago that I didn't want long hair anymore and the constant headaches of pregnancy had decided me for sure. I just didn't want to spend the money on myself and I was scared of the risk of a bad haircut. Things being the way they are now (dead baby), those concerns didn't seem to matter so much. When I came back to work I kind of expected people to not know what to say and maybe avoid me. What I didn't expect was EVERYONE to compliment my hair. Seriously people, do you honestly think I give a rat's ass what I look like right now?! Apparently, if you get a flattering haircut after the death of your baby it gives people an excuse to avoid awkward greetings. Who knew?


  1. People keep saying to me that I look good. I lost all the baby weight within 6 weeks but the reason for that is that I've got no appetite (it's slowly coming back 2 1/2 months later). So every time someone tells me I look good, I think the following:
    a) Who cares. I'd rather never lose the weight and have Matilda back.
    b) Yes that's because I'm grieving and have no appetite.

    Really, why do people think we'd care about how we look at a time like this.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Maddie x

  2. No kidding - that's another thing that makes me so sad. Aiden died so early (21 weeks) that I've already lost the little weight I gained with him. Since I was about 50 lbs overweight to begin with I'm sure I'll get comments when I keep dropping weight. The only reason I'm eating right now is that I get horribly nauseous if I don't. Maybe one day that will change. We all need a card to hand to people that lists all the stupid things they shouldn't say. I bet we would have to add to it daily.

    I'm sorry for your loss of little Matilda.

  3. I cut 8-10 inches off my very long hair and added layers in (and got rid of the last of the faded/dyed crap from years ago) while I was out after Gabriel.

    No one even noticed. Between that and the coworkers who avoided me for three days until I spoke at our staff meeting, I felt sort of invisible. I couldn't make up my mind whether I was grateful or hurt, it changed so often.