It is snowing today. In Florida. Yes, I said Florida. I wish I could be happy about this. We love the snow, we miss it so badly. But nothing really makes me happy right now, at least not for more than a few seconds. I can laugh, but not for long.
I keep thinking I just want winter to be over. I know it won't be a magic cure, but I keep feeling that if it were just nice outside, things would be better. I can't tell if the weather is feuling my depression or if I would still be this sad even if it was beautiful. The week Aiden died marked the start of record cold snaps, record lows and record rainfall. It has been cold, dreary, and wet every since the end of December. At times it feels like the whole world is mourning with me. Mostly, though, it is just cold and miserable and I want the sun.
I think maybe it is mostly a wish to enjoy something again. But I don't think sunshine will make that happen. I've said it before - I just don't like this broken person I have become.