Sunday, February 7, 2010

Thank you, internets

I just wanted to post a thank you. I'm feeling better today, mostly as a result of all the kind, supportive comments I get here.

I don't like this broken person I have become. I hope it is just a process on the way to something better. I know I will never be the same; I'm just hoping for a little happier, somewhere down the road.

I wanted to tell the people that stop by here that this space is for my darkest thoughts and my most desperate moments. When I read my posts it sounds like someone about to jump off a bridge. I'm not that bad, honest. I do really appreciate people stopping by and reading, especially commenting. It makes me feel so much less alone.

I imagine this would be easier with support from someone other than my husband. Even just someone to take my daughter for the day. Sadly, the only family we have here has let us down pretty badly (see here) and we have no close friends nearby. This makes me especially grateful for the ALI community.

So, thank you, internets. You are making this journey a little easier.

P.S. I do try to respond to comments but I have limited internet time. If you don't here from me, I am reading your comments and they are helping tremendously.


  1. Always picture us thinking of you and holding your hand with support on this journey. My blog has become an outlet for all those scary "jump off a bridge" sounding feelings. It's a way to process it all. So I really relate to what you are saying. I have really good days then when I get those bad days and turn to my blog, I think why didn't I write about the good know?

    Big Hugs and Lots of love. I'm always around to talk.

  2. I don't have anything good to say, other than I'm sorry. This is such a hard time. Sending comfort and peace. Jump off a bridge feelings are right.


  3. Also here from LFCA. I'm sorry for your loss. And I understand the need to vent! (((hugs)))

  4. Hi, visiting from LFCA.

    I'm very sorry for your loss. I have only read a few posts, but your reactions all seem totally normal to me for your grief and your situation. Don't be so hard on yourself. We know what you're going through. (especially the frustration when your child hits you in the face, boy have I been there).

  5. Here from LFCA.

    I am truly sorry about the loss of your precious Aiden. You are doing as well as can be expected after such a traumatic event. Because no matter what anyone else might say it's a horrible loss.

    keep writing, it truly helps to get those feelings and thoughts out.

    hugs. allison

  6. Here from LFCA! Though our situations are somewhat different, I do feel your pain and I know that searing need to let it all out, often in the rawest and darkest of ways. The blog is supposed to be your outlet for just that, and you should never feel bad about what you've said (though I understand that, I feel it all too often myself). All of us understand, have been to a similar place, and for myself at least, I can say that it is healing for me to know that someone else in the world has felt the same things, to have someone to identify with. So keep telling it like it is. It helps you and it helps some of us as well. And we get it. Though we all wish none of us did.

    Take care.

  7. I come by way of Stirrup Queens. I'm an infertile now parenting an (IVF conceived) 6yo son.....there won't be any more I'm sad to say...

    I am so very very sorry about the loss of your precious baby son. What a tragedy. I can't image your pain. My heart goes out to you and to your husband. It must be so very hard (understatement I'm sure) to get through each day, even with your daughter to love and care for. I wish for you healing and peace.

    Please take care of yourself, just put one foot in front of the other and slowly make your way along. You will be in my thoughts.


  8. Hi, here from LFCA. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby boy.

    I am blog "friends" with another woman who had medical termination. She now has twins (as a warning), but I know how isolating loss can be and she might have some words of advice, comfort, and/or solidarity for you.

  9. You don't need to respond to every comment. As long as they help you that's the important thing x