Thursday, February 4, 2010

Salt in the wounds

I'm getting really, really tired of telling total strangers what happened. It has not gotten any easier. I still can't do it without crying.

I tried a couple of weeks ago to call all of our bills and let them know why we were late and that we would be struggling for several months. I got lots of "I'm sorry for your tragedy" and absolutely no workable solutions on getting things payed. Everyone wanted unreasonably high payments and they wanted them in the next two weeks. Even after I told them I will not get a full paycheck until the END of February. The last thing I want to worry about right now is money. I'm paying for the things we want to keep (the 13 and 10 year old cars, the apartment we are living in, the student loans) and everyone else can just screw off. All they have done is jack up our rates for no reason (before this happened - they did it to everyone)and harass us.

So after telling about 10 people from various credit card companies and other bills we went to a bankruptcy lawyer and had to tell him too. I will love him forever, though. The very first thing he did was curse republicans and baptists. I told him not to get me started on either one :)

Then today I went back to my OB because I found a mysterious lump and freaked out. Turns out it was just a blocked gland and nothing to worry about. However, the one person I wanted most to avoid was in the waiting room. It was the woman at work who's baby shower I went to, the week before our horrible ultrasound. She was due last week but is obviously still pregnant. Thank god, she didn't notice me. But then the stupid intake people didn't bother to look at my chart AGAIN and couldn't figure out why I hadn't had a period since August. I told her in a pissed off voice that I miscarried and she still asked a bunch of questions and got huffy. I did complain to the doctor and she put big highlighted notes all over my chart, so hopefully it won't happen again. But, damn! When will I be able to stop telling total strangers what happened? It's not the casual "how many children do you have", it's the having to explain other things - the lack of money for bills, the lack of a period.

It rips off the scab every time and most of these people don't really have the right to see into our pain. I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there until the scab is a little tougher.

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