Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Purple baby Aiden

For some reason my daughter (Kira, 3 years old) was talking about Aiden a lot today. When I picked her up from daycare she was babbling at a teacher she likes, who was just nodding and smiling and not really listening. She told the teacher that she was the big sister and baby Aiden died because he was "really so small". The teacher didn't catch it but I heard her and told her she was right.

Later at home she suddenly started talking about him again and she said "I have a baby in my tummy (referring to herself, not me), little baby Aiden, he'll come out tomorrow and we get to see him." As I was trying desperately to think of something to say, she piped up with "he'll be purple," which at the time I thought was funny. I was thinking like willy wonka purple, which is probably how she meant it, but now that I am sad again it has taken on a more sinister meaning.

Kira keeps fighting with her friend because she says she is the big sister to her friend's 4 month old brother. Kira likes to give him his bottle and tickle his feet. Alyssa gets really upset when Kira says she is the big sister. I never know what to say. She is a big sister, but she doesn't get to BE the big sister. It's so sad.

Ugh - I hate this trying to figure out how to respond to her and it is so heart-wrenching when she brings this stuff up out of the blue. Poor kid - I wish I could at least make it better for her.


  1. It's not fair, no.
    I suppose the only thing you can do is let her keep talking. It must be really, really hard for you to hear, but she'll just need to process what has happened in her own way. Talking about Aiden is part of that.

    Thinking of you x

  2. You *are* making it better for her. You're giving her space to talk about it on her terms and listening, and finding humor in it when it's there (there are countless occasions where Bella has made me LOL with her references to her dead sister). By doing this she knows she can come to you when she needs to discuss things, and ask you questions and you'll answer. This is how she needs to get better. In the end, it's invaluable and builds a lot of trust and love, not to mention (I hope) compassion on their part.

    You're doing a great job. Never lose sight of that.