Sunday, October 17, 2010

Random thoughts

I'm over the moon to hear that B is finally pregnant again. Please stop by and give her a hug so she knows she has some support during what will be a very scary 9 months.

I forgot to light a candle for Aiden. I wasn't even home and right now I don't really feel guilty about it. I guess it's because it is a day someone else picked and really has no relation to my life. I suppose I also didn't want to turn our anniversary (the 18th) into another painful day like Christmas and New Years will always be now.

I decided to call a fertility specialist and am kind of pissed at myself that I never looked into this before. I always thought that we would never be able to afford it. I didn't realize that the 10-20K price tag was really only for IVF. Even though I knew about IUIs and knew I probably just need a medicated and monitored cycle, I just never realized that might not be out of our reach. From what I was told we may be able to get a couple of IUIs for under 2K, which is really doable. So maybe I'll put off that breast reduction a little longer.

I'm almost done with my adoption paperwork, but my husband hasn't even started his. I am trying very hard not to get angry. I know he cares and wants to do this, he just doesn't have the insane voice in his head demanding that we do everything NOW!

So - a little bit of hope, I guess. But winter is coming and it has almost been a year. There is something just so sad about that.

3 comments:

  1. Jen.
    I am so glad that you looked into IUI's. Most of mine were covered (even though I do not have IVF coverage). This could be an exciting option for you.
    I did not light a candle either. I felt that I mourned the entire month of Sept and that was enough for me. It is lovely sentiment though.
    Good luck with everything. Let us know what the RE suggests

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  2. thank you honey. i'm so nervous.

    the fertility specialist stuff sounds good! i hope it all works out. and i hope your hubby gets his paperwork filled out soon. i would be ready to scream too.

    and what you said about winter.... oh yes. it's unbelievable that we are so close to a year. you know i'll be thinking of you.

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  3. I think it's great that the fertility treatments might be a possibility after all!!! Some of the things they can do are really simple enhancements of your natural cycle, and that just might be all you need. I have my fingers crossed for you! And it's always mentally helpful to have more than one plan being implemented so that it takes some of the stress of.

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