Sunday, October 17, 2010

Random thoughts

I'm over the moon to hear that B is finally pregnant again. Please stop by and give her a hug so she knows she has some support during what will be a very scary 9 months.

I forgot to light a candle for Aiden. I wasn't even home and right now I don't really feel guilty about it. I guess it's because it is a day someone else picked and really has no relation to my life. I suppose I also didn't want to turn our anniversary (the 18th) into another painful day like Christmas and New Years will always be now.

I decided to call a fertility specialist and am kind of pissed at myself that I never looked into this before. I always thought that we would never be able to afford it. I didn't realize that the 10-20K price tag was really only for IVF. Even though I knew about IUIs and knew I probably just need a medicated and monitored cycle, I just never realized that might not be out of our reach. From what I was told we may be able to get a couple of IUIs for under 2K, which is really doable. So maybe I'll put off that breast reduction a little longer.

I'm almost done with my adoption paperwork, but my husband hasn't even started his. I am trying very hard not to get angry. I know he cares and wants to do this, he just doesn't have the insane voice in his head demanding that we do everything NOW!

So - a little bit of hope, I guess. But winter is coming and it has almost been a year. There is something just so sad about that.


  1. Jen.
    I am so glad that you looked into IUI's. Most of mine were covered (even though I do not have IVF coverage). This could be an exciting option for you.
    I did not light a candle either. I felt that I mourned the entire month of Sept and that was enough for me. It is lovely sentiment though.
    Good luck with everything. Let us know what the RE suggests

  2. thank you honey. i'm so nervous.

    the fertility specialist stuff sounds good! i hope it all works out. and i hope your hubby gets his paperwork filled out soon. i would be ready to scream too.

    and what you said about winter.... oh yes. it's unbelievable that we are so close to a year. you know i'll be thinking of you.

  3. I think it's great that the fertility treatments might be a possibility after all!!! Some of the things they can do are really simple enhancements of your natural cycle, and that just might be all you need. I have my fingers crossed for you! And it's always mentally helpful to have more than one plan being implemented so that it takes some of the stress of.