Thursday, October 7, 2010

Kicking you when you are down

The universe seems to be good at this.

I just read this post by B and it got me thinking about what I'm dealing with right now.

I'm sure I've mentioned that my suck ass employer doesn't offer my position any benefits whatsoever. I get paid only when I work. So when I left abruptly for a month after learning my baby was dying, it started a financial meltdown that we are just now starting to pull out of. We lost our house in Idaho that we spent four years remodeling. We had to file bankruptcy so we lost our excellent credit rating. We lost what little savings we had paying for the lawyer. And now, we may lose our chance at adopting this year.

I'm pissed. This is NOT FAIR! We both have college degrees. We have both worked hard to find good jobs. It is NOT our fault the economy collapsed and I lost my job. It is NOT our fault that as soon as we recovered (somewhat) from that, our baby died. Yet if I ask a rental agency about a property and mention that we had a bankruptcy, they do the equivalent of hanging up on me.

I don't understand this. Aren't there thousands and thousands of people with ruined credit, foreclosures, and rocky employment histories out there? Are the rental agencies really that blind? We have never, EVER been late on a bill not related to the bankruptcy. Our rent and utilities and car payments are all up to date. So I'm not trustworthy because my baby died? Fuck you.

I'm hoping we can find a person renting their house themselves. Otherwise I'm not sure we can get a bigger place that will allow us to adopt more than one girl. Right now if we did a home study that is what we would be approved for, and how many healthy girls are there that have no siblings and would be safe with a four year old? Not many.

For awhile after Aiden died I was able to ignore the "small stuff" but this doesn't feel small to me, and why do I have to deal with petty bullshit when all I want is to hold my baby?


  1. I have no words for you, I am so sorry that things are so difficult. It is the worst when all of your issues are inter mixed like this and everything just falls like dominos. You deserve better.
    love to you.

  2. I'm sorry, it isn't fair that all of these other difficulties have come along. It isn't right that you should have to deal with all this petty nonsense right now.

  3. it's not fair jen. i keep hoping i'm going to win the lottery so i can share some money around to try and make people's lives that little bit easier, but it's not happening :(

    it's not small. it is petty. i wish you were holding your baby too :(

  4. I am so sorry you are going through this. I really hope you can catch a break soon and find someone who is sympathetic and not so quick to make (incorrect) judgments.

    Good luck.


    She had to terminate a much-wanted pregnancy. I heard from Lost and Found and Connections Abound that you were looking for similar stories.