Last night my husband was desperate for some intimacy and I just couldn't do it. He understood, I think, but I think he is hurt. I can't bring myself to care all that much. I feel guilty for that, but I have all I can handle in my own head, I can't take care of anyone else's right now.
He said he feels that I am withdrawing into my own little world, and I said of course I am. I am the only person that thinks of Aiden all the time.
That thought keeps echoing through my mind. I am the only person on this planet that thinks of my son all day, every day. No one else is wondering right now what he would have looked like as a newborn. If he would have been born with a full head of hair like his big sister. If he would have screamed as loud as my friend's son does. If he would have had my eyes.
So of course I'm withdrawing. My little world is the only world that still has Aiden in it.
My precious, beautiful, loved baby boy. God, how I miss you, all the time.