Monday, May 31, 2010

lots of crazy over here

I feel pregnant. It's making me crazy to be so hopeful and so sure it won't happen at the same time. I'm only 6 dpo right now so testing is pretty futile; but I am crampy, my boobs hurt, and I am having migraines again. I have migraines constantly while pregnant and haven't had one in a couple of months.

Part of what makes me crazy is that I'm pretty sure all of these symptoms are also side effects of the clomid. My temps are not much higher than they were. I can't tell if my recent anger and sadness comes from trying again or crazy hormone soup. Maybe both.

Yesterday when I wrote about ending the pregnancy I had just finished cleaning out my room. I haven't been able to deal with that until now and there was a huge stack of papers and things from when we lost Aiden. It was like I was back there in those horrible weeks. I think I finally found and cleared out all the land mines but it left me exhausted and depressed.

Thanks everyone for all the comforting words; please pardon the craziness for the next few days.

2 comments:

  1. First of all, I am so sorry this is making you feel like this. I hate that TTC takes us formerly normal people and makes us into lunatics.
    Second, and this is advice is based on having been through a lot of fertility related treatment cycles in the past, it is nearly impossible to "read" the symptoms you are feeling. When meds are in the picture, what you are feeling could mean so many things (even though this time I really hope it means you are preggers). I try really hard not to think too much about what I am feeling and wait for the beta day (I do not even use HPTs).
    I am crossing my fingers and toes for you. Hang in there......

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  2. Ah, yes, i know what you mean. cheers from a fellow insane person, riding the hope-and-despair roller coaster right with you! I hope both of our waits end soon and pleasantly.

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