Thursday, May 20, 2010

*snif* I love you guys

Seriously, and I am not even drunk.

Every time I am feeling really down I log on and someone says something so loving and supportive that I feel better. I still feel like I need to be alone but I decided to skip work and stay home by myself and that helped. I am seriously considering cutting my hours back at work so I can do this more often. Maybe I will in a month or two when my back is better and I'm not spending $125 a week on physical therapy.

Anyway - something important I've been meaning to say.

I am trying to get pregnant again. I am scared shitless about it. I will need lots of support whether or not it works. HOWEVER (the caps means pay attention and take this to heart) if it is painful for you to read about a pregnancy - DON'T. I will absolutely NOT be upset or hurt or disappointed if you stop reading if I get pregnant. I PROMISE that I understand completely and will not judge anyone for not wanting to hear me talking about morning sickness (pleeeeaaaase, universe!). I know there are lots of women who are still in the terrible grip of IF, or trying to heal from a loss with no live baby yet. I know for many of them, they cannot bear to be around pregnancy or babies or anything related. I hurt for them all the time and wish so much I could put that baby in their arms. I would never, never want something I said to add to their pain. So if you drop off, don't worry. I will still think of you and check on your blog to see how you are doing. And I will be the very first to yell in joy when you get that baby you deserve. I hope you will understand that I have to write about my (pleeeeaaaase, universe!) pregnancy because I will be CRAZY.

And man, I love you guys! *snif*


  1. Aw! You're lovely! I'll be reading x

  2. I thought you might be trying again. I cannot imagine what that might feel like after losing Aiden, I have panic attacks thinking about it for me. As you know, I have suffered with IF for over 3 yrs, it is terrible. But, the loss of my baby recently has made this so much worse. My brain is now filled with all this information of the 100,000 things that can go wrong (I still have flash backs of the genectics department giving me the list of the terrible conditions associated with nuchal thickness). The thought of a rare disorder is not so comforting after your baby has something that 1 in 10,000 get! My doctor says to me its like lightening striking twice, but really what is the chance of lightening even striking once??!! I think we are robbed of the ability to ever have a happpy pregnancy after getting a fatale prenatal diagnosis.
    When you get pregnant again (which I really hope is soon, in reality I hope we are both pregnant in the summer and go through it together), you will certainly need support and deserve to get. To me, it is easy to hear about the pregnancy of someone who has gone through hell to get there. It is the pregnant on the first try with really healthy babies women that get me.....

  3. i totally understand how you feel - there are some days that i feel like crawling under a rock and hiding, and then there are days that my emotions just come pouring our for anyone and everyone to see and hear!

    much luck as you begin trying for your rainbow. i am currently 5w4d pregnant with our rainbow and am absolutely terrified. we go next week for US so hoping that will ease my anxiety some once we are able to see some development.

    i hope that taking time to yourself helps. and i will still be around and reading

  4. I finally had a chance to look you up. I'm always happy to stick around pregnant, not pregnant, happy or sad. I've added you to my list so I can keep up with your progress.

  5. That's great news! I hope you get pregnant right away, and that getting pregnant helps you move on... Not that you will ever 100% move on, of course, but I just mean to heal and feel good and enjoy life the way you deserve to.

  6. i hope it happens quickly and easily and smoothly for you.

    and for me too, of course.

    i'm sorry i've not been commenting. i've been reading but just unable to talk. you know how it is :s but i think about you a lot as i hope you know.

  7. Hope ttc goes as smoothly as possible. I understand being scared. We haven't decided whether to try again yet, but I'm sure I'd be very anxious.