My heart, she is still breathing. But dear god, we had a rough day. Kira was worse this morning. Her fever was higher and she was getting dehydrated and lethargic. Motrin and Tylenol have been knocking the fever down but it never stays down. I decided it was time for the ER. They had to torture her for over an HOUR to get enough blood for the tests they needed. After all that they found nothing. She may have an ear infection - her ears and throat were pretty red. I really hope that is it, because if this is a virus then the antibiotic will do nothing and she may not get better. I had to leave the room when they did the chest x-ray because I could be pregnant. I stood in the hallway, listening to her begging for me and to go home, and sobbed. She could not understand why we were hurting her so badly. After she wore herself out screaming and fighting she fell asleep sobbing in my arms, begging to go home in this hopeless little voice. I really have no idea how my husband's best friend dealt with her 3 year old son's leukemia, I really don't. I barely held it together today and she wasn't even admitted. I called my sister (a doctor) in hysterics. Not because I thought Kira was about to die of some rare disease, but because I just could not handle watching her go through that. Putting her through that. This is our fist hospital experience since Aiden died and apparently I am going to have issues with that for awhile. And I thought getting my MRI was tough.
I am typing this in the dark in my bedroom, listening to Kira's snoring, waiting for pauses. We tried to put her to bed 3 hours ago but she keeps waking up sobbing. That probably has something to do with her parents allowing strangers to stab her with needles over and over again. I finally put her in our bed for the night. I'm glad she's here. Even though I won't get any sleep, I will know right away she is okay. And I'll know if her fever spikes again before it gets too bad. I hate this. I want her well. I want to be able to deal with this without falling apart.
We could use some well wishes and prayers. I'm sure she'll be fine (liar) but a little positive energy directed our way couldn't hurt.
If I go back to work tomorrow it will be because she is better and I may not have a chance to post. Assume no news is good news.