Thursday, July 22, 2010

Must not get excited, must not get excited

I posted before about a co-worker that started the foster adopt process after I got pregnant and already has a baby. The situation is a little different that I first believed but here is the story (this is important, I'll explain in a minute):

My co-worker (I'll call him Adam) and his wife completed their home study about a month ago. Two weeks ago they got a call about a 2 1/2 month old girl that was going to be available for adoption. She is a legal risk placement because TPR (termination of parental rights) has not happened yet. The baby was removed from her mother after police were called about neglect. Apparently the mother spent an entire day with the baby in a bowling alley without feeding or changing her. The owners called the cops and the baby was removed. The mother is a 17 year old foster child who lived with the same family from 3-12 years old and when her foster family found out their income would drop once she was adopted they abandoned her. She was adopted by another family and then kicked out with the clothes on her back (I don't know why). When she went back to get stuff that she said was hers the family had her arrested for grand theft. She became a prostitute and somehow managed to have a healthy, non-drug addicted baby that she knows she can't care for. She has already asked for the baby to be adopted so there is little chance that this adoption will fall through. The judge on the case has been working with the mother her whole life and wants to expedite the adoption and try to break this cycle of neglected children. The mother is facing several criminal charges so is in hiding until she turns 18. I'm not sure why but if she is 18 the case worker can get her to sign the adoption papers without having to turn her over to the police.

Here is where me not getting excited comes in. The mother thinks she is pregnant again. Adam does not want another baby so soon, but would be the first person the new baby would be offered to. I am starting the classes on Aug 2nd and would have plenty of time to get a home study before the new baby (if it exists) is due. When Adam told me about that I immediately thought "I'll take the baby!"

There are a whole lot of ifs in this situation. If we complete the course and homestudy, if the girl is even pregnant, if the girl sticks around long enough for us to offer, if she doesn't try to keep this baby, if our case-worker will even help us with this as it's not his/her case. If, if, if.

But it gives me hope. There is a small possiblity that we could have an infant from birth, which I never would have thought could happen. Oh please, please let this be a possibility.

Regardless of the outcome - my heart breaks for that mother. What an awful, awful thing to do to a child. It doesn't sound like she is a bad person. She just has no idea how to take care of a baby and no one in the world to take care of her. I'd take her in if it was safe with my 4 year old.

I've actually thought about that - offering to foster a pregnant teenager. Not because I would want her baby, although I would adopt it if that was what she wanted, but because those girls have had shit piled on them their whole lives and someone should take care of them, dammit! Can you imagine being pregnant and 15 with no one that gave a damn if you lived or died?

I hate this system we have, it just seems to chew up children and spit them out. Sometimes the parents, too. Adam told me that the foster parents who originally had the baby were not certified for adoption, only foster care. Even though they loved the baby and wanted to keep her, they were not allowed to. So there is another heart-broken couple out there without their baby. It's just so fucked up.

At least all of this has been a nice distraction from hating my broken body and mourning the possible end of baby-making.


  1. Even if it doesn't work out with this poor girl's baby, this does reinforce the fact that there are a lot of trouble kids out there that need a home. So yes, you will get your foster-adopt! Ok to get your hopes up, as I don't see those kids going away any time soon, unfortunately.

  2. Oohhh, I hope so badly that this works out for you.

    I too feel really bad for the mother. Really, really bad. I think that if you got this baby, you would facilitate a relationship with the biological mother (if and when she has turned her life around enough to be ready), and that this would be a great thing for everyone.

    I am sad that she finds herself pregnant again in such awful circumstances, but I hope that this turns out great for your family (and I know your family will be great for this baby).

  3. I hope foster adoption works well for you and I am glad this situation gives your hope.

  4. let ME get excited for you! and not just for this possible baby, but the hope that this is the way things are supposed to be for you. this could be what brings you the most happiness, and that is all i could ask for you!


  5. How exciting and sad all at once!

    You will be great for all these children who just need loving and understanding moms and dads!

    I will have to get some info from you...we know we want to foster/adopt once my business is stabilized :)