Wednesday, July 14, 2010

still here, still really sick, still devastated

Not much else to say right now. I still can't read for long. My eyes are swollen and sore. I still haven't cried much, despite my mother's efforts on that end, but I still think this illness has just sapped everything out of me. I guess that's a blessing in a way, I can't feel how crushed I really am because I am still really hoping someone will put me out of my physical misery.

Oh - and I'm having a lovely endo-enhanced period on top of being sick with the virus from hell.

Thanks so much for all the support on my last post. It helps so much to know that everyone here understands, even if my family doesn't. Thank you.


  1. I am so sorry you are going through all of this on top of being so sick. We are here for you on this jounrey to be excited with you over the adoption process and to grieve the loss of a bio child. hang in there. Sending love your way

  2. I'm so sorry Jen. You have had such a terrible time lately. Wishing you a swift recovery from that lousy virus. Wishing you peace with the BFN and the decisions that lay ahead for you.

    Huge (((hugs)))

  3. oh BioJen, I'm so sorry. I think you ought to go to the doctor. You've been really sick for a long time. I'm worried about you. And the fertility stuff on top of it just makes everything even more miserable. Please take very good care of yourself. This is a hard time and you need to be careful with your health.

  4. I agree with inBetween- it may be time for some heavy-duty antibiotics, to ease the suffering! It is just so horrible to be grieving and sick at the same time, particularly as viruses make your emotions all wacky anyways. I hope you get some relief, at least physically, soon.

  5. Oh my dear. It simply isn't fair that all of this should come all at once. For a start, I wish that this horrible virus goes away soon. It sounds so horrible and to having issues with your vision must be so frustrating and horrible too.

    As inBetween says this is a very difficult time and you need to look after yourself. Perhaps just put all these massive decisions to one side until you feel better physically? x

  6. You're going through so much right now. I'm so sorry, and I'm thinking of you.

  7. Thanks ladies, as always the shoulders to cry on mean a lot.

    InBetween and Leslie - I've been to the doctors - twice. No one can figure out what this is and it didn't respond to antibiotics. I am getting worried about my eyes but they are slowly getting better, I'll go back on Monday if they aren't fine by then.

    Catherine - thanks for the well wishes. Reading is my sole escape, this has been a very hard week.

    I'm planning on a long post about it when I'm up to it, but the decision to quit ttc was made before I got sick. I knew a month ago this was my last chance unless a miracle occurs.

    I'm doing a little better today so I have hope this will be over by Monday (PLEASE). Thanks again.

  8. Hope you're feeling better today, and better tomorrow and on the road to a full recovery. Thinking of you.


  9. i'm so sorry your life is so hard at the minute jen. i wish i could come out there and look after you.

    sending lots of hugs and wishing i could do more.