Tuesday, August 24, 2010

No time

I have no time for me. No time to write, no time to read the beautiful words of all the wonderful people I've met here. No time to remember that one year ago today I had just started my new job and was still unaware that I was pregnant. No time to be so frustrated that I've been bleeding since one day after I ovulated. No time to be aggravated at myself for being frustrated; after all, there was a damn reason I had to resort to clomid. It's not going to fix itself, even if I secretly hope it will. I'm sad, and exhausted, and so antsy. I so badly need a break and I just don't see a way to get one. I find myself hoping I'll get fired so I can get unemployment and food stamps. I could spend a few weeks at home, pretending to look for work (like my husband tends to do when he is out of work). That tells me how desperate I'm getting. I love my job - it's the best one I've ever had.

Something has to give.

On a more positive note, I saw something really cool while out sampling the other day. Don't look if you are tenderhearted and like frogs.

6 comments:

  1. Cool pic. I try to carve out at least 30 minutes for myself a night. It might mean I don't get as much sleep, but I think it's worth it. It's going to be harder for me when school starts back on Monday. Hugs to you.

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  2. thinking of you and lighting a candle for your beautiful one tonight
    xoxo
    lis

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  3. SO sorry to hear that you are this busy and overwhelmed. I really hope you can find some time to yourself soon. Any chance of taking a "sick" day? thinking of you.....

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  4. Yes, sounds like you need a couple of sick days. I hear the flu is going around again.

    Maybe being so busy is a good thing in some ways, although you are exhausted. I'm so sorry you are in such a hard place in life right now. A ray of sunshine in some form or another will come your way soon; it has to.

    It does sound like you have a totally cool job. I hope your co-workers are fun too.

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  5. I get the wanting to just check out and do nothing. I hope things slow down enough for you to catch your breath at least. Shoot.

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  6. poor frog! i can't believe noone else feels sorry for it! :)

    i took today as leave so i could stay in bed as long as possible. would that be an option?

    not long after i lost the baby i was offered a place in an online writing group that i desperately wanted. but i've never been in at all. so i can kind of relate to the job being amazing but still wanting to be unemployed (although obviously that's much worse). it sucks.

    i keep wishing i could win the lottery and hand out cash to those who need a break.

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