Tuesday, May 21, 2013
weird flashback trigger
I just got my hair cut off and I didn't realize until I got home last night that the last time I did that was just after Aiden was stillborn. I had a sudden flash back of all the compliments I got and how shitty that made me feel when I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me how much it sucked that my baby died. I stood in the shower sobbing over my stupid hair. It's the first time I've cried (about this) in quite some time. I still miss him, everyday. I still find myself wishing this baby had been a boy and wondering what it would have been like to have a son to raise. I love this Little Bird with all my heart, but there is still the feeling of being cheated of something. I hope it never shows.