Tuesday, May 14, 2013

adult juice boxes

If you haven't tried them yet, I am currently enjoying my 2nd "cup of wine". W.al.mart now sells a single serving cup of wine in 5 varieties. They are decent enough for the price and nice for a mom that can't keep a bottle of wine in the house because it will get stolen.

Things are pretty tough and I hope I am doing the right things. Flower is on the waiting list for a bed in residential and I'm praying she will be admitted before she has a chance to violate her probation. I don't know that I could have done anything differently, but if I'd known she would be arrested instead of committed when she pushed the Professor, I may not have called the police. She doesn't need to be in jail, that will only make everything worse. Now if she doesn't complete teen court she will be dealing with a life long consequence that will severely limit her career choices. So far she is not taking any of the legal stuff seriously. She has no cause and affect thinking and is incapable of relating her actions to consequences. Tonight she was yelling at me to shut up and get out of her face while filling out the study sheet from teen court that says she is not allowed to disrespect her parents. Ai yi yi.

Sunshine is picking up all of Flower's worst behaviors and on the fast track to some pretty serious consequences. I feel so guilty for not listening to the warnings about the influence a troubled older child would have on a younger one. I was so sure we had done a good enough job raising Sunshine that she would understand how not to behave. That is not the case. Saturday she threw a toy at me after declaring that I could not make her stay in her room. Consequences just don't seem to matter to her although she does still seem to care if I am disappointed in her. My brother dealt with an older sibling that went to residential and his younger daughter really improved while the troubled one was gone. Hopefully we will get the same result.

The youngest is doing great. Little bird is learning to roll over and got very mad today when she got stuck on her stomach with one arm pinned. She was inconsolable until I held her for a good 15 minutes. It did not help my mood that this was right when I realized my grill was catching on fire and I had to leave a screaming baby in the house with a defiant 7 year old while I dashed out to shut off the tank before the whole thing exploded. Needless to say we didn't have grilled chicken tonight.

I had to laugh because Sunshine got mad at me for scaring her when I screamed at her to get away from the window. She was standing there asking me why when I could see flames curling ever closer to the propane tank. For the love of god, child! This is why we tell you to listen to us the first time!

Hopefully this summer will prove to be a little more peaceful and Flower will get the help she needs.

12 comments:

  1. Wow, I'm really surprised that she was arrested. I guess it varies by city and state. Arrest was never on the table with my ex-kid--it was always a trip to the hospital. Of course 2 out of 3 times EMS took us to a hospital that didn't have an adolescent psych ward, so they didn't admit her.

    I really hope that Flower does get the help she needs, and that you have an improved summer.

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    1. I was shocked. That's the deep south for you. The cops actually told her we can hit her but if she hits us it's a crime. Go figure.

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  2. Girls and fire aside, you sound lighter in this post - maybe it's the juice box! Lady, I so hope that Flower finds something that will help her and I very much hope that YOU have a restful summer (goodness knows you deserve it!).

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    1. It was a little bit the juice box, mostly I am doing better, though. I just hit a point where I realized I'm only hurting myself by letting things get to me so much. Flower will get better or she won't. I gave her the tools, whether she uses them is up to her. It's a lot like how I felt after Aiden died. There are some things in life you just can't control and I have to accept that.

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  3. I'm sorry, but I did get a chuckle out of the propane incident. I may or may not have had one...ahem, two...similar such incidents at my home, which resulted in leaving the poor babe inside to potentially see his mother go up in flames. Oy vey.

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    1. He He. Sadly that is not the first time that has happened. If only I could afford a new grill and stop piecing together craigslist specials.

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  4. I can't even begin to imagine how hard all of this is. Continuing to pray for you and your family.

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  5. Remember when she is in residential care how VERY important it is to have visitors when allowed and to get snail mail! When you adopt the idea that residential care may be necessary doesn't fit mental pictures.... but sometimes it is the only and best answer. But not abandonment.

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  6. It's about time that stores offered wine by the cup. They do that in Europe. It's also perfect for cooking when all you need is a glass and then you have to use the rest of the bottle.

    Dealing with the grill on fire reminds me when my toddler dropped a glass on the floor while I was trying to reschedule a flight the following day due to my husband's emergency surgery. I was on hold, put the toddler outside the door, picked up as much of the broken glass while fending off the dog who thought there was something more than water in the glass. SO yeah, I've been there.

    Speaking of juice boxes, Capri Sun has come out with a sports-like foil package. There's more juice, but I think it's more difficult to drink.

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  7. the thing about residential care is that they will only keep her until she is "stabilized". we went through this over and over and OVER with my son. they would keep him anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks, and as soon as he showed the first signs of following the rules, insurance wouldnt pay for him to be there anymore. it truly was a revolving door. unfortunately, if you want long term solutions, you have to pay out of pocket, and no one has that kind of cash. my son was a pro at gaming the system and we were running from facility to facility.

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    1. That's interesting, and scary. I have been told (we will see if this is true) that the residential facility here is a minimum of 2 months. They only take kids that have had many, many interventions already and nothing is working. We do have a mental health unit that only keeps people until they are stabilized, she has been there 3 times. She does the same thing, plays the game so she can get out. Although last time she was being just as defiant and they let her get away with it. That hospital is mostly pretty useless except for locking up someone who is an imminent danger until they calm down. As far as I know medicaid will pay for it but I'm sure she will play the game and get out before she has had a chance to really work on her problems. We will see.

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    2. its rough, and it almost seems geared against the parents. we went through so much, and lost so much in the process..my husband and i still dont get along because he said i was too "lenient", and he wanted to play the hard ass drill sergeant..ugh. if you would like to talk about it or get some advice from someone who was lucky enough to deal with this for 4 years straight, feel free to email me! it DOES end though, that is the good thing. the problem is the fallout afterwards.

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