The circus in my brain

stupid voice in my head (sv): Dude, it's cycle day 30 and you are only spotting a tiny, tiny bit. You're pregnant.

me: shut up. I ovulated late. And the spotting is that stupid luteal phase defect.

sv: how do you know? You stopped temping. You could have ovulated on the 11th - which would make this 14dpo. And you've spotted before while pregnant. You're pregnant.

me: I probably didn't ovulate until the 13th - it could have been as late as the 15th. And look at how that last spotting turned out - big giant sign that something was really wrong.

sv: but why are you peeing so much? And crampy? You never get cramps before your period.

me: I don't know what you are talking about (sticks head in sand).

sv: pee on a stick!

me: NO!

sv: come on, at least you'll know, right?

me: No, I won't. It will just make me more crazy. If it's negative I'll think it's too early. If it's faint I will think it is a chemical pregnancy or ectopic. Even if it were indisputably positive I would think it was a chemical or ectopic. Nope, too scary.

sv: (in singsong) you're pregggnant ...

me: (fingers in ears) LA LA LA I can't hear you!!!

sv: call the clinic, see what they say.

me: I already did, dammit. They said to get a beta done.

sv: HA HA! I told you! Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.

me: Go to hell. I only did it to shut you up.

sv: Mmm hmm, whatever you need to tell yourself.

me: *angry scowling face*

Beta tomorrow - first thing in the morning. Then off to the psychiatric consult for the voices in my head.