Tuesday, April 23, 2013

ugh

I have very little time for myself so here is a bare bones update.

We are well and truly out of the honeymoon phase with Flower. She just keeps pushing and pushing, trying to prove that we are like everyone else in her life and we will give up on her. It's exhausting, at times terrifying, and so completely pointless. She is wrecking her future just to prove a point that she doesn't even realize she has the need to prove. Now Sunshine is copying her ridiculous, over the top tantrums and I just have no idea what to do about it. I react differently to Sunshine because she doesn't have a traumatic background. She doesn't have a good reason to act like that (other than all the changes and Flower acting out) so I find I have no patience for it and yell.

Little Bird is fantastic and a little spot of joy in everyone's life. I'm just praying all the turmoil and constant screaming aren't affecting her too badly. I'm hoping things will settle down before she is verbal and I'll have a chance to fix the damage to her and Sunshine before it's too late. I'm also hoping Flower will figure out who she is and realize she doesn't have to fight us. I just want her to have a chance to grow up and be happy with who she is.

I hope I can talk here again about the struggles of dealing with attachment issues. There just isn't enough information out there and I'm kind of floundering. No rest for the weary, though. I have to go pump because Professor had to feed Little Bird formula just so I could go to the store in time to get dinner made and now she won't wake up to nurse. Awesome.

3 comments:

  1. The whole situation is so rough, and my heart goes out to you. I just hope that Flower gives you a break sometimes. One of the reasons things spun out of control so badly with my ex-kid was that she never stopped fighting us for a single moment, including starving herself and going out of her way to instigate arguments.

    So just take strength from the breathers if you get them, vent when you can, and know that I'm pulling for you.

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  2. I'm just saying I'm here reading and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. I'm sorry Flower is struggling again, after you thought you had a breakthrough. You and your family are in my thoughts so often and I'm always wishing for peace for you.

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