Saturday, October 13, 2012

I may actually have a diagnosis for once

With my history I was sure they would find nothing to explain why I keep having contractions. For once I am happy to be wrong. I don't know why the hospital didn't mention this when I was there, but my urine had some leukocytes in it. That is usually caused by a urinary tract infection. UTI's are well known for irritating a pregnant uterus and causing contractions. The nurses always ask about difficulty peeing when you go in for contractions. I kind of wondered last time if that might be the problem but that time my urine was clear. Of course I had been drinking gallons of water to try to stop the contractions, so maybe it was just too diluted. Anyway, I am on antibiotics and awaiting the culture results. Normally I refuse to take antibiotics "just in case" but those contractions are scary. I think the risk of antibiotic resistance is worth not having a baby born at 25 weeks.

I'm hoping that a UTI is really what caused all this and once it gets cleared up I'll go back to the normal braxton-hicks. I'm not holding my breath because I had so many contractions with my first baby. I suspect they will get better for a couple of weeks and then get worse again, but at least by then we will be in safer territory for a preemie.

The good news is that my cervix is nice and long and closed up tight. Baby already has her head well down in my pelvis, right up against my cervix. That made me nervous. I would have preferred she hung out higher for now. It is weird to me to have a large baby in my pelvis. My first was very high and breech until right near the end and the second never made it to that size. When she wiggles around (which she does a lot, good baby) it feels like she is trying to break out.

I am trying very hard not to be resentful of how hard this is for me. Everyone around me has had or is having really easy pregnancies after getting pregnant within a few months of trying. I'm glad none of them know how painful a loss is but it is hard to listen to how naive they are and not be angry. I keep wondering why just one thing can't go smoothly for me. Then I feel guilty for complaining when I have a healthy six year old and a baby I thought we would never get on the way.

I told the doctor and the ultrasound tech that my uterus and I have a mutual hate-hate relationship and all this drama is it getting back at me for all the times I said I hated it. Stupid body.

Well, I am resting this week and I will make an effort to be grateful for a healthy baby and maybe try to make peace with my body.


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  2. hope you are doing ok xxxxxxxxx