Monday, May 21, 2012

Doctors are cowards (sorry sis)

If you mention severe pain and pregnancy in the same consult, be prepared to get shoved out the door. I'm really fucking sick of hearing "there's really nothing I can do for you."

I realize that taking pain medications while pregnant is a big risk. It's one I'd rather not take, but not even the supposed "alternative specialists" want anything to do with me. I don't think all this stress and anxiety and not sleeping would be good for a baby either.

I broke down in the doctor's office today. As soon as I said pregnant she acted like I was trying to hide something from her. It was on my damn chart! I swear everyone thinks I'm a morphine addict that just happened to get pregnant and is desperately trying to come up with a good enough reason to get a prescription. For the record - I've never taken morphine; my pain is bad, but not that bad. This new doctor is supposed to be a holistic practitioner and not a drug pusher. The first thing she mentioned was a different muscle relaxer. That did not inspire much confidence in me. I did get her to reluctantly agree to try a modified acupuncture and physical therapy. She wants to do traction on my neck, which will probably help a lot, but it just seemed like she really wanted me to give up and leave.

I can't possibly be the only pregnant person in the world that has a pre-existing chronic pain condition. Even not pregnant I rarely resort to narcotics, so it's not like I'm a heavy drug user. I just need some kind of treatment to help me handle the pain. It's so damn frustrating that our society has become so lawsuit happy that doctors will not even treat someone in dire need of help because they are so afraid of getting sued.

I'm continuing my self made regimen of ice, heat, stretching, Epsom salt baths, TENS, tiger balm, and high doses of magnesium and calcium. I'm seeing incremental improvement, but not enough to let me get any work done. My shoulder has loosened up enough that I can now tell a good deal of the intense pain is coming from my neck. I'm praying I don't have a blown disk.

The doctor spent several minutes asking why I wasn't excited about being pregnant, especially after I told her how long I've been trying. I told her it was just bad timing. For the rest of the day I've been trying to drum up some enthusiasm. It's hard because I don't feel pregnant at all, I haven't told anybody so I don't talk about it, and I really can't convince myself that pregnant means a baby somewhere down the line. I know this is kind of normal but I feel guilty about it, and worried. If I'm not super excited will the universe decide I don't want this? I do, more than anything. Although, honestly, if I was offered the choice of putting this on hold for another year (with foolproof assurance it would work in a year) I would probably leap at the chance. It's too bad I'm not a Sebacean.



1 comment:

  1. This sounds incredibly frustrating. It's awful to be asking for help and not getting any - just because people are scared.

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