So I didn't make any of my goals. I should have known to start smaller but I frequently bite off more than I can chew. At least I have finally learned not to beat myself up about it. Somehow the hell I went through 2 years ago gave me the ability to brush myself off and keep trying without all the guilt and shame.
I ate so much at the holiday party at work that I was almost sick. I tried to only take one bite of the things I really wanted to try but there was SO MUCH FOOD. I can never see a spread like that without thinking of all the homeless people only a block away. I wish we could do something a little different in that respect. Anyway - I haven't met the goal of no junk food for a full day but I have managed to keep it to reasonable servings, so yea me! I did no yoga but did go on one really long walk/run. I nearly died from running a single block but at least I did something this week. I still haven't gotten a scale although I really don't feel bad about that with all the running around I've been doing for Christmas shopping. Ye Gads! For someone that doesn't have much money I sure went to a lot of stores.
So - goal for next week. One session of yoga and a further reduction of junk food. I'll wait until the holiday madness is over and my checkbook recovers to worry about a scale.
On the adoption front, for those of you who don't want to listen to me whining about exercise, M is staying with us for the school holiday. It's been pretty fun so far although I do find myself getting frustrated a little with the whining. Our 5 year old is a champion whiner so I'm pretty used to it, but I wasn't really prepared to see the same level in a 14 year old. I really shouldn't be surprised. Her life has not prepared her for early maturity and she is really doing so amazingly well for what she has had to deal with. I just found out today that after two families rejected her (one of them kept all her siblings) she was sent across the country ALONE on a plane at 12 years old. I had a hard time taking that statement calmly. I'm sure I'll hear many more worse things, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it. How the world can be so awful to some people is really just beyond me.
We are discovering that her nutrition is extremely poor and the constant begging for junk food is getting old fast. We are trying to be patient and not turn her whole diet upside down overnight. She is very good about eating the whole wheat pasta that we use so that is more than I expected. If anyone has experience with changing a foster kid's diet to something healthier, I'm open to advice.
I'm amazed by the bravery of this girl. After the terrible rejections she has had and the terrible way she has been treated by almost everyone in her life, she is still willing to try with a new family. She is even able to show us (very rarely) how scared she is that we will let her down too. I may be overly optimistic but I think this is a good sign that she will be able to attach and trust us eventually. I'm constantly reminding myself that she has not yet had a chance to test us and it won't always be this easy. At the same time I am really enjoying having someone I can shop with and do girly things like nails and hair. It will be many more years before K is capable of listening well enough to do any of that so it is super exciting to be able to do it now.
Three more weeks until we are officially M's only parents (foster for now, adoptive after finalization)! We can't wait, the co-parenting with the current foster parents is hard! We disagree with nearly all of their parenting decisions so trying to fit our parenting with theirs has been nearly impossible. Three more weeks is not long at all. I can put on my big girl pants and get through it.
I've been sad with all the anniversaries coming up, hubby and I were both in tears on the 18th, but it is somewhat distant this year. Part of it is the busyness of the season and the rest is how vastly different our lives are this year. I miss my precious boy and I wish he was here, but I can't say I'm sad to not be so sad.
I hope everyone out there is at least surviving the holidays, preferably enjoying them. I hope the new year brings new joy and new healing to all my baby loss friends and anyone struggling with life right now. Peace and Love!!