Monday, November 7, 2011

Not what I was hoping for

The permanency meeting was frustrating. When I mentioned that the idiotic school system here had their finals one week AFTER the winter break, they all decided to postpone the transition instead of speeding it up. So now we are looking at another 2 months of only getting her on weekends. We were all disappointed but I do have to defer to the opinions of the people that have been doing this for a long time, although I question their evidence.

The good news is that we have a move in date - January 13th. At that point she will be officially placed with us as an adoptive placement. After 90 days we can petition to adopt and she will be ours for good as soon as we get a court date. Two months seems like a long time but I'm sure it will go by pretty fast considering the holidays will be all intertwined with the time we have left. It will be really nice to have something positive to think about this year instead of remembering how horrible this time of year was 2 years ago.

But that leaves me with a problem. I love this blog and all the connections I've made through it. It was easy and healing to talk about the loss of our son and the impact it had on my life and hear from so many that have walked in my shoes. Now I don't think I will be able to talk as freely. I'd love to keep writing here about how our new family is doing but I don't want M to ever find something written about her and lose her trust in me because of it. I know someone else in blog land that is struggling with this worry right now. It is the dark side of mommy blogging. How much is too much? When is it not about you, but about the information you are sharing about your children? I'm pretty much okay with mommy bloggers that talk about their kids, as long as they are respectful, but if those kids come from a history of trauma? Maybe not such a good idea. These kids have been given many, many reasons to never trust anyone. It would be kind of hard to explain why it's okay for their new mommy to discuss their mental health and behavior on a public forum. So - I don't know where I'll go from here. I may keep the blog and just make sure there is never anything identifiable on it (which might make it pretty boring). Maybe I'll go password protected. Maybe I'll give up on it altogether.

I started a new, anonymous email that I linked to my profile on this blog - but I really wanted to change this blog over to the new account so it doesn't show up if I am logged into my main email. That way I can stay logged on with my laptop and everyone can still use the computer without being able to see this blog. Does anybody know if/how I can do that?

If anybody has a magic solution to privacy, I'm all ears. I'll give everyone plenty of warning if I am going to shut down. I hope it won't come to that. I consider my readers to be friends, even if I don't know what most of you look like. I don't want to lose that.

Maybe I can write more about cooking and my volunteer activities. Anybody interested in community gardening?

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