Thursday, June 23, 2011

Crazy couple of days

In the midst of my deep anger and depression over my stupid body's inability to do one simple task there has been a flurry of emails about children.

It started on Monday. I had called the adoption coordinator for our area last week to find out when we would get a copy of our home study. There were two children in different states we wanted to inquire about and we needed the study to send. She said it was in the mail and asked what type of children we were looking for. I told her ideally a sibling group of two where at least one child was under 7. She sent me an email (to my work address) that I didn't get until after a long day in the field on Monday.

She wanted to know if we wanted to be considered for a sibling group of two. A little boy who is 6 and a girl who is seven. The problem is that they are legal risk. For those that don't know, legal risk means their case plan has moved from reunification to adoption but there is still the possibility that the parents could complete their case plan and get the children back, or a relative could show up wanting to adopt. My husband has said he's not willing to do legal risk because he thinks it will be too hard on me and K if we lose a child we are attached too. I'm a little more willing to risk getting my heart broken if it means getting more kids. That's pretty much what infertility is anyway, month after month of heartbreak and pain. At least with the adoption there is a very, very good chance that eventually it will work out.

So we talked, and he agreed (reluctantly - I think only because I was devastated about the latest negative) to be considered for the children and decide after we have more information if it's a risk we want to take. Progress!

Even though I checked at home Tuesday after another long day in the field, I didn't notice until yesterday that she had sent another email 20 minutes later asking about 2 more children. These were separate cases of 4 year old girls. One has speech and learning delays but is progressing well, the other has ADD and some oppositional behaviors. As soon as I emailed her back that we'd like to be considered she sent another email about a boy/girl sibling group, ages 2 and 7. I replied I'd like to be consider for all of them and then she wrote back that the legal risk staffings for the two 4 year old girls had been canceled because one had a relative show up and the other had just had TPR completed, meaning she is free and clear for adoption.

So - we are now in the running for FIVE different children. One is free for adoption so the only issue is whether we are a good match. The others are 2 different boy/girl sibling groups right in the age range we really wanted. The 2 and 7 year old are really ideal. That way K gets to be the big sister and has an older sibling that is close enough in age to play with.

I'm a little hopeful. Don't get me wrong, I still break down in painful sobs every time I start to dwell on the fact that we can't pursue anymore fertility options. But now at least the adoption stuff is going somewhere and we have a real chance at a larger family. Things seemed so much bleaker on Monday.

Of course the waiting for the staffings and match meetings is going to drive me crazy, but that does seem to be the nature of the game.


  1. Wow, so much going on. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you are a good match for some of the kids. My heart breaks for you that you can't pursue more fertility options, but I'm glad the adoption process is well underway. I know you will always have a hole in your heart for Aiden and for the future babies you might have had, but growing your family through adoption will help.

    I'm looking forward to finding out what happens.

    Thinking of you!

  2. I think you're amazing. Not everyone would consider doing this, with all the risks involved and possible heartbreak in the future. You have a great big heart and I hope your family grows very soon.

  3. OMG! I am so excited for you!!! How long before you find out definitely? When do you meet them?

  4. I agree with Sally--you are amazing. We need more people like you on the earth. Sending love to you!