Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The circus in my brain

stupid voice in my head (sv): Dude, it's cycle day 30 and you are only spotting a tiny, tiny bit. You're pregnant.

me: shut up. I ovulated late. And the spotting is that stupid luteal phase defect.

sv: how do you know? You stopped temping. You could have ovulated on the 11th - which would make this 14dpo. And you've spotted before while pregnant. You're pregnant.

me: I probably didn't ovulate until the 13th - it could have been as late as the 15th. And look at how that last spotting turned out - big giant sign that something was really wrong.

sv: but why are you peeing so much? And crampy? You never get cramps before your period.

me: I don't know what you are talking about (sticks head in sand).

sv: pee on a stick!

me: NO!

sv: come on, at least you'll know, right?

me: No, I won't. It will just make me more crazy. If it's negative I'll think it's too early. If it's faint I will think it is a chemical pregnancy or ectopic. Even if it were indisputably positive I would think it was a chemical or ectopic. Nope, too scary.

sv: (in singsong) you're pregggnant ...

me: (fingers in ears) LA LA LA I can't hear you!!!

sv: call the clinic, see what they say.

me: I already did, dammit. They said to get a beta done.

sv: HA HA! I told you! Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.

me: Go to hell. I only did it to shut you up.

sv: Mmm hmm, whatever you need to tell yourself.

me: *angry scowling face*

Beta tomorrow - first thing in the morning. Then off to the psychiatric consult for the voices in my head.


  1. Fingers crossed for you for the beta.

    Are you sure that the voice is in your head? My cousin always recommended an easy diagnostic test: Cover your ears, if the voice(s) gets louder then you can start worrying.

  2. Hang in there! Thinking of you :)

  3. I am going to be hopeful for you and wishing all those little things mean that the voice in your head is on to something!