Saturday, November 6, 2010

very worried

I have my saline ultrasound and endometrial biopsy on Thursday. I am getting really, really worried. There is obviously something very wrong. For the last two months I've been bleeding more often than not, frequently heavily, and accompanied by bad cramps that last several days. Even the progesterone only stopped the bleeding for a few days. After running this morning - which went great, by the way - I started cramping badly again and spotting.

I've never experienced anything like this. I'm hoping it is fibroids but not severe fibroids, so they can be removed and I'll get better. My husband asked me how I would feel if they tell me to get a hysterectomy. How can I answer that? I certainly won't be okay with it. Even if I was prepared to give up on ever having another baby, which I'm not, how can we manage me being out of work that long?

I have this habit of thinking the very worst thing will happen - that attitude of expecting the worst and hoping for the best, without the hoping part. I'd like to say I'm just a worrier but life has proved to me that expecting the worst is often the best way to go. Then I'm not so surprised when things go badly.

Damn, I am tired of having something to worry about. I'm tired of this stupid body not working. I'm so, so sick of being in pain every day and sick of complaining about it. Please universe - just give me this. Don't take my uterus too.

4 comments:

  1. I hate that you're dealing with all of this. I hope the wait until Thursday goes by quickly and that you get some answers. (((HUGS)))

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  2. *hugs* I am so sorry for all of this. I hope you get some good answers. Thinking of you.

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  3. I really hope that it is something that can be treated quickly and easily. xo

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  4. Thinking of you as Thursday approaches and hoping you get diagnosed with something that is easy to treat.

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