Monday, November 15, 2010

Some things are just not funny

This is a post by Princess Jo that I think everyone should read. This subject is very, very important and I think we should all be aware of how our words can wound. Please stop by and read it.

Ironically, I had an experience with another type of thoughtless joke today - not nearly as bad, but still painful.

I think even without the dead baby hovering just over my heart, today would have been hard. I'd like to say up front that I'm not angry or upset with anyone. Maybe the universe, because I am angry and upset. The guy in this story didn't mean anything; he just thought he was being funny. Unfortunately he picked a very bad joke with exactly the wrong person.

I had to go to an occupational health clinic today to get my knee checked. I twisted it falling into a damn gofer hole out in the field and am now dealing with worker's comp. The doctor was funny and indignant that I hadn't been treated 2 months ago. He kept joking around and was very upbeat. The problem came after he looked at my x-ray. He said I already have arthritis in that knee (at 34 - fantastic), then he said this:

"There are no fractures, but you're pregnant."

For one tenth of a second I had this physical feeling that shot from my chest through my whole body. I think it was an even mix of wild hope and terror. Then before I could say "WHAT!" I realized it was a joke. He took a picture of my damn knee. There was no way he could tell if I was pregnant, which was the point of the joke. It was all I could do not break down right then. He quickly realized he had said something wrong. He stopped smiling and said it was a joke. Then he said "you're not laughing." I only said no and looked away so I wouldn't cry. He kept talking about my knee and I tried to hold it together. A little while later he asked if I was mad at him. I told him no without any other explanation. I thought about telling him why that was such a bad joke but I found I didn't want him to feel like crap for upsetting me. He was a really nice guy that said a really dumb thing. That didn't stop me from calling my mom and sobbing to her on the phone all the way to work.

God. I hate that I can't handle stupid jokes anymore. I hate that the most innocent comment or picture will ruin my whole day. I cannot imagine how my friends that have no living children can make it through even one day. I think I would have dug a deep, deep hole and never come out.

I just hope this shit gets better. I still feel like crying.


  1. What an incredibly dumb thing for someone to say. I'm so sorry, Hun. Booth for the knee and the clueless doc. Only a man would think that's funny.

    It's more than enough to have a heavy heart right now without the sucker punches. I'm here for you and am willing to step in when you tap out. Stupid universe needs to get taken down a notch. My thoughts are with you.

  2. 'scuse my french, but what a wanker.
    hopefully your reaction clued him in enough that he won't do anything so frigging stupid ever again.

    sending hugs xxx

  3. o-m-g! Yeah, I agree, I'm doubting he'll ever use that "joke" again. He really needs to think of his audience when picking out a joke to tell.

    When I got married the first time, during the rehersal, the preacher went through the script and then said, "Do you Jennifer, take..." I thought my mil and sil were going to have a cow. That name just happened to be the ex-girlfriend right before me. It was a random joke that had no meaning to anybody until that very time he told it. He said he regretted using that joke and wasn't sure if he'd ever use it again, even with another random name.

  4. I hope he will never do that again. Maybe he will only use that joke on men from now on.
    I am so sorry you got hurt today. *hugs*

  5. Oh how hurtful. It sounds like he felt really bad about it.

    I hope things get better for you too, you have had such a rough time lately. Thinking of you and sending you big (((hugs)))

  6. I am so sorry. Maybe he'll think twice about it next time, at least, and spare someone else the pain. Given that about 10% of the population experiences infertility, it is surprising how insensitive so many people are to it.

  7. A doctor should know better. But sadly many of them don't! I'm really sorry.