Friday, September 10, 2010

writer's block

I keep thinking of things I want to talk about but it never gets any farther than two or three sentences. Also, by the time I get home and get everyone fed and my daughter in bed, I just don't have the energy to delve into my psyche.

A mini update is manageable, so I'll fill everyone who's still around in on what's been going on lately.

We have 3 MAPP classes left but the one scheduled this following Monday was cancelled so it is actually 4 weeks. I'm getting nervous and anxious. My horrible self esteem is rearing its ugly head. I keep thinking that they will not want me. When I was filling out the paperwork I got really worried. I ended up marking nearly all of the negative boxes under the "what kind of childhood you had" section. I went from thinking that they would be impressed that I made it through all that to thinking that no one would want someone so damaged taking their kids.

Sigh.

I guess I do have something to talk about. I think I will come back to it though. I want to go watch an old movie with my friend and relax. I was going to make her watch Steel Magnolias but I don't think I can handle that one tonight. Ditto with Beaches. I think I will go with the psycho thriller I told her about, Malice. My friend is much younger and hasn't seen any of the movies I spent my teens and twenties watching so I have to catch her up.

How is everyone? Anyone else really struggling with self doubt?

2 comments:

  1. I've missed you and think about you all the time. Totally understandable that you are so busy, you certainly have a lot on your plate. Good luck with the remainder of your classes. They would be crazy not to pick you. You are already an amazing mom, any child would be lucky to call you mom. I hope you have a nice relaxing night.

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  2. steel magnolias is such a sad movie... I cry hysterically when I watch it unde stable emotional conditions. If I watched it now I think I'd need psychiatric intervention...

    It is really good to hear from you. I've been thinking of you and hoping all is ok.

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