Friday, June 25, 2010

drunken blogging

I couldn't sleep so I drank some wine. Enjoy. Please don't harp on any grammatical errors you may find.


Dear hypothetical egg,

Would you please try to speed up your arrival? Your delay is making me crazy and the just-about-to-explode feeling in the ovaries is less than pleasant. Once you do leave the comfort of your follicle, please make your way to the open tube you will find on the left. Do not go right. Inside the tube you will find some nice little guys; please be sure to make a close acquaintance with at least one of them. Please be sure to find one that has his full compliment of chromosomes. Should you find yourself missing any chromosomes, please proceed quickly to the nearest exit. After your journey in the tube you should find yourself in a warm, red place. I have tried hard to make this a welcoming place for you, feel free to look around and find a nice spot. When you have found your spot make sure you wriggle in deeply and hang on tight; unless, of course, you find yourself in the cervix or some other less than ideal place. If you make it to this point and start developing, please do me the favor of doing it at a very normal pace. No slow growth or abnormal development, I beg of you. If you feel the accommodations are not adequate or you are not up to the task of becoming a human being, please make your exit as quickly and painlessly as possible. I’m sorry that you will be entering a sea of stress hormones and what is left of my wine. I’m doing the best I can. I hope you will join us out here; it can be pretty nice at times. You have a wonderful big sister waiting for you to join us, and a mom and dad who will love you to the ends of the earth. I know this is a lot to rest on one little egg, I hope you are up to the challenge.

5 comments:

  1. I like your drunken blogging, this made me smile. Hope that your lil hypothetical egg has his or her ears pricked up and listened to all that good advice. x

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  2. Come on eggy! You've given very clear directions, so I expect full compliance.

    I feel like this a lot, drunken or not. Maybe I can ask the RE if we can get helpful roadsigns installed.

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  3. I'm with Catherine, cute post. I wish I could be as eloquent as you when I'm drunk.

    Hope your egg follows your directions closely.

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  4. i hope the eggie listened.

    you should blog drunk more often xx

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  5. Signposts are a great idea, misfits. That made me laugh. I'm not sure if the egg listened yet, here's hoping.

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