So now that the pain meds have worn off and I finally have an appointment, I realize that I am not okay with this.
My appointment is with pain management. I really hate that kind of practice because all they do is give you more and more drugs. In my experience they don't fix problems, they treat symptoms. I would like to do physical therapy but because I now have numbness I can't do that until I get an MRI. My appointment also puts me square on the wrong side of my ovulation date this cycle. Yesterday I was thinking it wouldn't be so bad to skip this cycle since originally I wasn't going to start until June, but now I am just angry.
I've been trying for years to get someone to do something useful about my back. I have always gotten the run around. I have been dealing with this for ten years so you would think that I would be resigned to having to fight for care. I'm not, though. I'm tired, sore, frustrated, depressed, and broken-hearted. I just don't have the energy to fight this too. Today I am so tempted to accept the drugs, quit work, and just live my days in a numb fog of pain and depression.
I need something to look forward to and I feel like I am betraying my family because they are not enough. I need a reason to fight for decent care and get better. Why isn't my daughter reason enough? She wants me to pick her up and is very upset that I am too hurt to do that. Why isn't that enough motivation to get up and fight?
I did call and try to get an appointment directly with an orthopedic surgeon that specializes in spinal injuries. I haven't heard back and I'm hoping they take patients from the ER without a referral. I hope this bought of depression doesn't last long. I need to be at work, we have already lost so much.