I got my very last test resutls from the pregnancy with Aiden today. The last loose end to tie up.
I have MTHFR.
I was expecting it so I'm not devastated, but I am angry. How did I get so unlucky? I have endo, the CF gene, the MTHFR gene, ridiculously enormous boobs courtesy of my german great-grandmother, and probably insulin resistance. The MTHFR is treatable, but come on! I'm beginning to think I should have won a Darwin award and kept my genes out of the pool. I watch what my mother is going through and wonder if I want to live past 50. I don't want to be crippled and a burden to everyone when my daughter is only 20 years old. Granted I have things I can do to prevent the kind of problems my mom has, but just the fact that I have to do those things makes me so angry. I know I'm being ungrateful. I can still walk, although it hurts. I can still improve and get back to the things I enjoy. But it just seems like too much to ask that I have to deal with all the physical stuff on top of my grief.
And I am sick of becoming a member of clubs that suck. Don't get me wrong - the women in those clubs are incredible and have helped me more than I can say, but I don't think anyone would blame me for wishing I had never joined. I would never regret not knowing there are infertility and loss clubs.
I am actually going to have to limit how many support groups I'm in because I don't have time to keep up with all of them. How sad is that? I think endo and MTHFR are going to have to take a backseat to PCOS and babyloss.
I need something cute to laugh at - what have you got?