Friday, April 23, 2010

Losing the genetic lottery and joining clubs that suck

I got my very last test resutls from the pregnancy with Aiden today. The last loose end to tie up.

I have MTHFR.

Fuck.

I was expecting it so I'm not devastated, but I am angry. How did I get so unlucky? I have endo, the CF gene, the MTHFR gene, ridiculously enormous boobs courtesy of my german great-grandmother, and probably insulin resistance. The MTHFR is treatable, but come on! I'm beginning to think I should have won a Darwin award and kept my genes out of the pool. I watch what my mother is going through and wonder if I want to live past 50. I don't want to be crippled and a burden to everyone when my daughter is only 20 years old. Granted I have things I can do to prevent the kind of problems my mom has, but just the fact that I have to do those things makes me so angry. I know I'm being ungrateful. I can still walk, although it hurts. I can still improve and get back to the things I enjoy. But it just seems like too much to ask that I have to deal with all the physical stuff on top of my grief.

And I am sick of becoming a member of clubs that suck. Don't get me wrong - the women in those clubs are incredible and have helped me more than I can say, but I don't think anyone would blame me for wishing I had never joined. I would never regret not knowing there are infertility and loss clubs.

I am actually going to have to limit how many support groups I'm in because I don't have time to keep up with all of them. How sad is that? I think endo and MTHFR are going to have to take a backseat to PCOS and babyloss.

I need something cute to laugh at - what have you got?

10 comments:

  1. You have got to be kidding me!! I am so sorry for your new diagnosis. It is a condition that I know little about, but I am hoping you can get the info you need, without having to join another support group. I feel the same way, I am a fragile x carrier, have endo, and won the bad luck lottery on our last pregnancy. I wonder all the time how so many things can go wrong in the same person!!!!!!!
    I am hoping you feel better soon and get some pain relief. I wish I was closer so I can bring over a giant bottle of wine for us to share.
    thinking of you.

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  2. I am so sorry-- clubs that suck are no fun And the chronic pain just sounds so awful.

    You are also a member of some clubs that don't suck-- marriage, motherhood, biology career... I hope it isn't too obnoxious of me to remind you at this moment when you're feeling low!

    Check out Misfit's links in her comments on my "slogging" post-- she has lots of cute and funny time wasters!

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  3. Oh no....call if you want to talk! With me and lori you'll have lots of info and support :) hope to see you tomorrow...we'll be inside due to the weather.

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  4. I was told that about 50% of the population have the mutation in one form or another. Which REALLY makes me wonder why they do not just have everyone on 4mg of folic acid when they get pregnant.

    I'm totally with you on hating the membership to clubs that suck.

    Much love your way!

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  5. Oh hell. I'm sorry. That's just not fair, nobody want to belong to any of these clubs that suck, let alone more than one.

    Thank you so much for your comment on my last post. I find I'm almost starting to feel kind of embarrassed that I'm STILL here in the land of babyloss, posting about the same old stuff. Sometimes I feel like a relic left over from my 'class' of bloggers! Thank you for understanding.

    Cake Wrecks usually makes me laugh and they do some lovely cute features. A word of warning though, the latest post is baby doll cakes which you might want to skip. x

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  6. I should have exited the gene pool, too. Crossed eyes (wtf?) umbilical hernias and a malformed diaphragm. Yeah, pretty much aliens over here. I read this when I need a laugh:
    http://www.kristinapblogs.com/

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  7. Yet another member of a club that no one wants to be a part of. So sorry. What can we do but pay our dues?

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  8. i'm also part of the m*th*r f*ck*r club, as well as the pcos club, and the "my husband's sperm sucks" club. there must be a silver lining to this somewhere. i'm thinking that as a reward for all this $hit, i'll win the lottery in a few years. that is what I'VE DECIDED my reward will be. perhaps yours too?

    on a more serious note ... the one plus of mthfr, from my research. (pls don't ask me to explain how or why, bc i've done too much research on too many topics to keep them all straight), but the chances of us finding out that we have cancer at a late stage are very rare. unless we're clueless to the finer tunings of our bodies, we're likely to find cancer at earlier stages bc they grow slower in our f'd up bodies. yaay???

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  9. babyloss people will still be there when you need them, even if you don't have the time to keep up with everything.

    thinking of you honey. i've been quiet but i haven't stopped reading. this week is getting so hard and it's going to keep going before it gets easier, i think.

    hugs xx

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  10. Just found your blog through LFCA. Sorry you belong to so many clubs that suck - and that you keep joining new ones, too!

    For a laugh, I recommend Brian Regan (my fave clips are on my blog sidebar) and also despair.com

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