Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Emotionally numb, physically hurting

I think I am just on overload of crappy things to deal with. I can feel myself slipping into a deeper depression but I'm not sure what to do about it.

This past week my cat got hurt and I got in a big fight with my husband about paying for a vet. He still considers the cat a stray and doesn't want to spend money on it. I can't watch something else I care about die. I took him anyway and so far he is fine, but Sean won't let me keep him in the house (we are not allowed to have pets - if we got caught we could get evicted) so I am worried he will get hurt again.

I've been working more hours than I can handle and my back is killing me. The day before yesterday I started getting a sore throat and now it looks like full blown strep. I feel like I'm choking and swallowing is agony.

I so badly want to take 2 or 3 weeks off to give my back a break, get well, and get past my looming due date. I feel so overwhelmed right now that I am just shutting down. I'm trying to get through the next five minutes and then the next five minutes. I hate that because my daughter needs me and I just can't be there for her.

I need rest. I'm so tired of how much self pity gets dumped here, but I still need it. I still need to whine about how unfair and hard everything is right now. I hope you ladies don't mind too much.


  1. You aren't whining. It IS unfair and it IS hard. I wish you could get the rest that you need.

    I'm sorry about your cat, the fight and strep throat. It never rains but it pours. But it has to let up sometime right? Right? I do hope so.

    Thinking of you especially over the coming weeks as you approach Aiden's due date. Please take it easy on yourself. x

  2. I just brokedown and had a full out temper tantrum so its completely normal girl! I am 2 1/2 years out and it still hurts more than I can describe and with every breath I just want to scream "why me? This is NOT fair!!! What the hell did I do to deserve this? Why is my body so defective?" I know it hurts to talk but I'm here if you want to talk or email.....and if you ever need help with miss smiley let me know :) I enjoyed meeting her and know her and A would get along great :)

  3. I am so sorry to hear that all of this. You have stress upon stress right now. Please let me know if there is something I can do for you. You have been such an amazing support to me and hope I can give that back to you in some way. I know this is personal and I am kind of biased (given my job), but i am wondeirng if you are in therapy or can go to a support group? I would be lost without my weekly sessions.
    I hope your back and strep clear up soon.
    Thinking of you.

  4. one minute at a time, hon.

    just keep breathing.

    like catherine says, it is unfair and it is hard. i wish i could do something for you to make your pain ease up, even if only for a while.

    is there any chance someone could look after your daughter for a week/weekend/day/evening/even just a couple of hours? just so you can sit back and rest. a family member, a good friend? i hope so.

    thinking of you hon xx